The video had to be limited to 2 minutes, so a lot was cut out. Here's the full transcript. It's done to the tune of Weird Al's song "Couch Patato", which is a parody of Eminem's "Lose Yourself".
What inspires me to work wood? Yo-
My hand plane is ready.
It’s hot in here, armpits are sweaty.
There’s a grumble from inside my belly.
Too much spaghetti.
I’m nervous but on the surface I look calm and
ready.
To push on, but tear out is all I’m getting.
I could try a plow, see if that that would work
somehow
Another minute from now I’m throwin’ in the towel
I’m dying, wow, I feel like crying now
I bite my tongue or I’ll shout something foul
Snap back to reality
Stop the insanity
Think of your family
No cause for profanity
I don’t give up that easy
If I try it again I’ll see
Shavings curl wonderfully
I’ll be working happily
Woah
It’s just like on that show
With that guy we all know
34 Years in a row
With those suspenders he wears
Wish I had a pair
He has more talent than most in just one mustache
hair.
You’re gonna lose your fingers in woodwork they
told me, they scold me
But this is what know
Set up shop and you can’t stop, do not give it a
go
Unless you’re prepared to do it for a lifetime
You’ll never be like those guys on the TV, they
told me, cajoled me
Turn off those videos
But I love it a lot, do not- touch the remote
Woodworking isn’t just a hobby of mine
My back is aching
Don’t care how long it’s taking
A highboy is what I’m making
Made to order, with bi-fold doors or,
Maybe a lowboy if the boards come out shorter
The next project will be the same story
I’ll make one object or I may just make forty
Half done projects, all over they’re layin’
I try to do work, but just end up playin’
With a new tool- just for a minute
I had to go all the way to Rockler to get it
You’re gonna lose your mind with this woodwork,
they told me, they scold me
You do too much of it you know
All that sawdust and wood lust- your mind will
blow
They don’t understand this hobby of mine
Turn the channel on the TV, they told me, cajoled
me
No more woodworking videos
I love PBS, can’t take a rest, I have to know
How to finish southern yellow pine
I never miss Tommy Mac, season 3 is back
He’s got a knack for spreading shellac
I built a wood rack like the one in his shop
Can’t wait to pack it up to the top
Norm Abram can make anything in a half hour
I guess that’s why all his tools run on power
Bob Villa thinks that he’s the one that’s got ‘er
I wouldn’t let that hack grout my shower
And then there’s Charles Neil with all his DVDs
I’d own ‘em all if money grew on the trees
I could learn to bump cut with a router bit
I’d never screw up if I sneak up on it
He’s got a website and an internet show
He’s forgotten more stuff than I’ll ever know
I watch ‘em all cause I’m a woodworking freak
I can’t wait to see what they’re making this week
A 30 minute spot where joinery is the plot
I’m always learning more stuff that I forgot.
I try it all out right here in the shop
Till my fingers are numb and my eyes are bloodshot
Cause I’ve only got
One favorite spot
I’m gonna be at my workbench a whole lot.
You waste your time with this woodwork, they told
me, they scold me
None of them really know
I love dovetails, stiles and rails, the raised
panel
Let me work and I’ll be just fine
You’ll never be like Roy Underhill they told me,
cajoled me
But I’ve seen every show
His floppy hat and all that he lets me know
Not a minute of it has been wasted time
You can learn anything from woodworking shows.
I’m outta here.
